It’s all about the journey

As I look back over the last year and half of my life, I can only see the awesome things that God has done in my life. Getting me out to KC with little money and no where to stay for 4 days, providing rent, food and even good friends. Coming in to a new state and way of life, God has shown me time and time again His love for me. How much He is the provider, leader and best friend. I have seen no matter what I do on my end whether its what I say do or don’t do, it will not change the way He sees me.

He has managed to change my heart towards Him and His people. He has broken down walls to my heart and vows that I have made in the past. He has gotten me through times of dis-pare and even shown me joy beyond words. The fact that He pours out mercy and opens up His heart, is something to ogle. What I am even more amazed about is the fact that He has changed my heart towards myself. I grow more in confidence in how God has truly created me, as well as knowing that He choose me even knowing I was going to do the things I did and will do.

As I spent the summer in a trailer directing to the world a cry of prayer from Gods people, I continue to battle my flesh in what I seek in pleasure from the world. I continue to have to trust Gods leadership in who He places around me and even to lead me as I take on core leading new FMI students (Forerunner Media Institute).  Yup! I now core lead a group a young and even older then me women. I see the burden in shaping and molding these women to seek God in holiness and purity I now have no time for my own rebellions. Thank God He is a better leader then I am follower. I just hope I don’t mess up, but I see I am being really blessed doing this. Why? You ask, nice of you to ask. Because I am relying on God more and more, having to seek Him for answers that I just don’t have for myself or the girls.

As I seek God deeper I see I need Him in everything I do as well as He can only fill voids in my life as well a longings. Whether greatness, fascination, beauty, to be wholehearted, to be enjoyed by God, intimacy with out shame and to make a lasting impact. Which could say are the 7 longings of the heart. God placed them there so we can have Him fill them and be expressive in those things with all the perversion.

So I walk this walk looking for my heart to be pour and my mind to be filled with the thoughts of my Beloved. I hope to be able to be a good steward of the girls God has placed under my wing. As well as be one to be in rejoice and praise to my God who loves me more then I can fathom.

 

Track Two is Coming to an End….

How long is a season to God…? I tend to feel it’s when you finish a semester in school or at least every 4-5 months. Or the sense of accomplishment of learning something new in your walk with God.

As You know if you fall this blog I am a Media Apprentice at the International House of  Prayer KC. It’s now coming to an end of my second track, which has made it a year in the training of media. I will continue on as a staff member under operational staff. I will continue to specialize in directing which as been an awesome experience in which I feel I have grown so much in being confidant and creative in the field. My producer says  “she can tell when I direct cause I have signature that says it was me.” So I feel that because I see my self the way God sees me, I am able to express my creative side in my directing.

I am excited for the growth of our media dept, it is expanding into a school (Forerunner Media Institute) where now people will pay to learn what I did. I am thankful to God that He took care of me that way. Students will be in the life of a student going to bible school but they will be also trained in media as well.

My team is doing well. We did a 21day silent fast in the trailer, meaning that if it was not edifying, exulting and comforting to the body, don’t say it. As well as conversation that will distract us from our work or that will lead us into just unhealthy conversation. It was amazing to see God meet us in the trailer because we were more engaged with the worship and intersession. We made room for God in the trailer to come and work with us then to just make it some job where we act like we are not on holy ground.

During this 21day I was struck for a heart for media in the sense that I wanted to start a prayer meeting once a week where the media peep’s could come together for an hour and pray for GODTV and Media Dept IHOP…It’s been one of those things that I have choose to lead and well that means I have been e-mailing reminders and setting a time that most of the MA’s are free. I have also fasted during the 21 days media. That meant blogging as well. I think this helped me be in the word as well as do my e-school and even not be distracted with what God was doing with my team.

As this track comes to an end I look forward to seeing what God will do with us here in the KC area as we broadcast the prayer room all over the world. Where will He place the last MA’s this season, who are the new people coming for the school. Stay tuned….I hope to better in staying in touch with you about my life in the trailer….

 

What’s Your Favorite Book in the Bible

 

The Journey to a Pure Heart…

I have not been blogging for awhile because I have been 1. Busy 2. Didn’t feel I had much to share at the moment 3. I went through an awesome inner healing class…

I have been asking God to bring restoration of the heart. So God in His perfect way started the journey last year with starting me on the Beatitudes in Matthew 5. I want to walk in the Sermon of the Mount, not just have it be theory or something only people like Heidi Baker and Mother Theresa can do. The journey in which the Lord was taking me through, was one that I had to learn that it is not a quick fix it done after I throw my heart in the microwave process. “It’s about the journey” was the theme and the now instilled saying in my walk with God. This doesn’t mean I was never healed, heck yeah I was. Lies of the enemy I believed about God such as Who he is- What He sees in me-His thoughts of me and He doesn’t care. Removing these roots of bitterness, anger and negative thinking is a freeing and first step to inner healing.

By me removing the roots in my life that were door ways for the enemy to come in to my life. As I closed those doors and allowed healing to wounds in my life, God was begging to purify my heart.

I am not one to be all about going through some group function and share all my laundry to people I don’t know. But I did after many confirmations that God wanted me the group. The class if you want to call it that is called “Pure Heart Restoration of the Heart Through the Beatitudes” Tom and Donna Cole wrote the book under the same name the class.

Even before the class I read the book by Heidi Baker ” Compelled by Love” each chapter was a Beatitude. So that was another sign for me.

As the Lord revealed to me areas in my life I needed healing in areas we don’t think sometimes…Mother Wounds- Father Wounds.

I also learned I needed to forgive myself as well as true femininity and masculinity. Confession was fun!!!lol…

God was also pointed out that I kept wanting to give Him sacrifices and He said to me “I want your heart”

My leader of the group asked what we wanted out of the program…I said “I want to see what God sees in me”

That my friends, was really hard for me. I for so long have only seen the worlds view of me…A performer a loud and sarcastic person. Amongst other things. I really hated myself in turn means I hated God cause I am made in His image. Talents and gifts God has given to me have been perverted and or taken for granted. I now see myself under Gods eyes, how He created me to be and the gifts he has given me are now being used for the building of the kingdom.

I still find myself wanting to rush the process, wanting to finish and move on…But then I remember its a all about the Journey

 

Thoughts of God over you…

You may not know me, but I know everything about you ~ Psalm 139:1
I know when you sit down and when you rise up ~ Psalm 139:2
I am familiar with all your ways ~ Psalm 139:3
Even the very hairs on your head are numbered ~ Matthew 10:29-31
For you were made in my image ~ Genesis 1:27
In me you live and move and have your being ~ Acts 17:28
For you are my offspring ~ Acts 17:28
I knew you even before you were conceived ~ Jeremiah 1:4-5
I chose you when I planned creation ~ Ephesians 1:11-12
You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book ~ Psalm 139:15-16
I determined the exact time of your birth and where you would live ~ Acts 17:26
You are fearfully and wonderfully made ~ Psalm 139:14
I knit you together in your mother’s womb ~ Psalm 139:13
And brought you forth on the day you were born ~ Psalm 71:6
I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me ~ John 8:41-44
I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love ~ 1 John 4:16
And it is my desire to lavish my love on you ~ 1 John 3:1
Simply because you are my child and I am your father ~ 1 John 3:1
I offer you more than your earthly father ever could ~ Matthew 7:11
For I am the perfect father ~ Matthew 5:48
Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand ~ James 1:17
For I am your provider and I meet all your needs ~ Matthew 6:31-33
My plan for your future has always been filled with hope ~ Jeremiah 29:11
Because I love you with an everlasting love ~ Jeremiah 31:3
My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore ~ Psalm 139:17-18
And I rejoice over you with singing ~ Zephaniah 3:17
I will never stop doing good to you ~ Jeremiah 32:40
For you are my treasured possession ~ Exodus 19:5
I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul ~ Jeremiah 32:41
And I want to show you great and marvelous things ~ Jeremiah 33:3
If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me ~ Deuteronomy 4:29
Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart ~ Psalm 37:4
For it is I who gave you those desires ~ Philippians 2:13
I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine ~ Ephesians 3:20
For I am your greatest encourager ~ 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17
I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
When you are brokenhearted, I am close to you ~ Psalm 34:18
As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart ~ Isaiah 40:11
One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes ~ Revelation 21:3-4
And I’ll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth ~ Revelation 21:3-4
I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus ~ John 17:23
For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed ~ John 17:26
He is the exact representation of my being ~ Hebrews 1:3
He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you ~ Romans 8:31
And to tell you that I am not counting your sins ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled ~ 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you ~ 1 John 4:10
I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love ~ Romans 8:31-32
If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me ~ 1 John 2:23
And nothing will ever separate you from my love again ~ Romans 8:38-39
Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen ~ Luke 15:7
I have always been Father, and will always be Father ~ Ephesians 3:14-15
My question is ~ Will you be my child? ~ John 1:12-13
I am waiting for you ~ Luke 15:11-32

 

Leading is harder then it looks….but it can be a blessing…

It has been three weeks, one new team member and one member out has been the look of things since last I wrote. One of my team mates was promoted as well to be a leader for another team, WOOP WOOP..I am really excited for him. My new team mate is a girl so I am happy to be in a team of two girls two guys. We are however short a member, but its OK we will finish the track strong.

I mentioned last time I was thinking  should I read Oswald in the morning before our shift. I have been and well it’s been awesome to wake up and get right into talking about God. It has help us discuss things that are helping us grow and even just getting our minds, hearts and spirit man awake. Ready for the morning shift along with the day. God has shown up and been speaking to us through Oswald. Some of my team mates are being convicted even just made aware of things unknown to them.

I’ll be honest that my group my not grow a lot in the tech side of things. But as one has said “we are spiritual growing team.” Which made me feel really good. Cause in one way that was more important to me. The technical aspects of things will come with time. Right now I am planting seeds and building them in the walk with God. I can only do what I know and that is to apparently help people grow with God. Teach the camera things and even directing stuff right now. Not so much.

I myself am still in training and then the fact that I’m a 28 year old with a bunch of 18-20 year olds who only had computers growing up. Who are in fact way more advanced compared to me. HaHA I am asking them to help me.

What I do see though is a need for more spiritual mentors. Funny cause I asked God for one and it looks like He make me into one first. Only Him in His humor would do that.

My worries of leading them astray is becoming  a distant  memory along with stress I will just fail at this.

O well we shall what the lord almighty does next…

 

Gracious Uncertainty…

. . . it has not yet been revealed what we shall be . . . —1 John 3:2
Walking in certainty can be a places where you could become hard on yourself along with being self-righteous.

Oswald Chambers- Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life— gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring.

I find myself wanting to know every little detail of the day calculating my steps with a precise accuracy I can not attain. Not wanting to put down roots because I think “Well, what if I’m in that circumstance.” Who am I? To presume to see myself in any circumstance in which I have never been in.

This is what I have seen God reveal in me, that I have been assuming I can calculate my walk with Him as  with the leadership position He has given to me. Yet the grace of His majesty calmly weighs in as light of the morning dew over the horizon kisses the spring flowers good morning. God is so gentle in bringing us back to the root of faith Jesus said “. . . unless you . . . become as little children . . .” (Matthew 18:3 ). The spiritual life is of a child.

Oswald Chambers-We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled.

If we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, “. . . believe also in Me” (John 14:1 ), not, “Believe certain things about Me”.

Whether it’s in my leadership role or taking over the set from the last team cause Holy Spirit wants to make the set a little longer. Being certain in Gods plan in our life allows us to experiences the place we are at in are life. Leaving everything in Gods hands will be a gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in, but can be assured that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.

 

Would I even fallow me, if lead me?…

Oh! The role of leadership, you could be hated, despised and mocked or loved, admired and praised. It’s a position that is Known to be abused and miss treated to boost egos and inflame some peoples pockets. with money.  It has been also know as a position where people take advantage of the weak either by lying to get what they want out of deals. Leadership can be also a place where the person in charge lifts up the moral of the people takes a humble, honest route on leadership road.

” Don’t tell people how to do things, tell them what to do and let them surprise you with their results”……George S. Patton

‘The leadership instinct you are born with is the backbone. You develop the funny bone and the wishbone that go with it”.…Elaine Agather

“If the blind lead the blind, both shall fall in the ditch.”— Jesus Chris

Since last a wrote of my escapades in the world of Media App. I came home from my trip in Cali to find my team leader put in his two weeks and that one other of my team mates is leaving in two weeks to lead another team. This leaves me being asked the day I get back from vacation if I want to be the Directer of the team. I must say I’m honored and said “yes”.

Oswald Champers ” We have no right to decide where we should be placed, or to have preconceived ideas as to what God is preparing us to do. God engineers everything; and wherever He places us, our one supreme goal should be to pour out our lives in wholehearted devotion to Him in that particular work . “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might…” (Ecclesiastes 9:10)

I just want to lead my team the way the Lord wants me to. I don’t want to be a dictator and just tell them what to do, I want to be able to lift them up and help them be better at what they do. I would like to have Gods heart for them to see what He sees in them, what is it that He wants me to learn through them and them me. I don’t want to lead them astray either.

I’m thinking I should wash their feet, Jesus did it… Was this act not a way that Jesus was showing us how to go low. He was the King of the Heavens and He went low to lead His people.

I was also thinking of reading Oswald every morning which I think will help us be in the word and not wast time in the briefing just talking about stupid things.

I will admit! being not a leader is easier. I will miss not having to be held responsible for the teams progress and have to answer all the endless questions.

God Help me….

 

California dreaming….you can keep it…

As my first week back from being in Cali…for 14days wares off in the realty that is my world. I have felt a weight lifted of my shoulders as the spiritual atmosphere I have grown to love seeps back in and detoxes me from the world I left behind. I feel as though I have been in a dream for the last few weeks and have woken back up in praise to God that I have my eyes removed from the scales of the CALIFORNIA DREAM. Paradise my friend cost a small fortune maybe even your soul.

I could here Jesus saying:

” The harvest truly is great, but the laborers are few; therefore pray the Lord of harvest to send out laborers into His harvest.” (Luke 10:2)

Yes, the Church in Cali is growing in the youth that are tired of the spiritual oppression that has weeded itself in new age bale and jezebel worship. The body is growing in the area of intersession people wanting to stand in the gap for mercy over California. Being a state that a majority of the youth 18-35 voted No on prop8 and then just snuff out the laws for ending of abortion; we need laborers willing to go out and spread the gospel. It is time for California to repent Gods judgment is coming and well I would hate to see what it looks like with out the people standing in the gap.

I so wanted to be on a soap box crying out to the people “wake up, the kingdom of God has near you; don’t let it pass you by”. I am reminded that I still must be patient in Gods timing to peoples call to repentance.

I could see in the eyes of people who love me they wanted me to stay longer or just plain move back. As much as I love them I feel if I were to go back now it would be in vain and to soon. I discern that even though here in the green house of God I am strong and confident, but when I was home it just showed me how weak and well overconfident I was still in areas that I need to still grow in.

Once again though I was tempted by the enemy of gifts and money; Free rent, job and family and friends. Sell my inheritance for a bowl of soup…NO THANKS… Plus I was just shown where I still judge people for where they are and I think I can save them..WELL!!!! Nope That’s not my job. Someone else (Jesus) died on the cross who saved all of us from our sins. I always want to speed the process of peoples growth with God.

Some highlights of my trip…My sister came to Christ…WOOP! WOOP!!!! That right folks my sister has Christ in her heart. “Praise God” He is so amazing…On Easter day by the way, the day Christ was raised from the died. Yeah!! He’s alive. It was cool to see because I saw the gift of salvation be given to my sister and witness a heart change. Which reminded what God has done in my life. With love He as changed me which I can see the reflection of Christ through me, in which people see and want in their life.

I was experiencing as well an apt to become an irritating dictator to others, instead of active, living disciple. Unless the worker lives a life that “is hidden with Christ in God” (Colossians 3:3)

I was a dictator, dictating my desires to my sister and my parents even my Friends. But Jesus never dictates to us in that way. Whenever our Lord talked about discipleship, He always prefaced His words with “if”, never with the forceful or dogmatic statement…”You must.” Discipleship carries with it an option.

I wanted to start feeding my sister in the way she should learn about God and live for Jesus…Once again when looking at how Jesus does it, we seem to be hit how far we still are from keeping our wants, desires and needs in our discipleship. All I can do is walk my life and be a good witness.

Being in Cali made feel as a stranger invading the territory. Invading the way of life people have so come to think is true I felt like maybe how Jesus felt when its said “a prophet will have no honer at home.” Its an area I still have a little hurt in but thanks to God and His love He is healing those wounds.

Over all I thought may trip was fruitful in many ways other then above. It opened my eyes of areas I was blind in as well as was deceived in.

 

Quote

Psalms 42:7 Deep calleth unto deep at the noise of thy waterspouts: all thy waves and thy billows are gone over me.