pic...just found on google

God is continually showing me how jealous He is for my time, friendship, love, & attention…
It is not easy cause my flesh is screaming for attention from all the wrong things.
I am having to see that in my weak yes, weak step and weak seeking of
the God Who hung on a tree for me, actually is ravished be this gift of effort…
I want to come to Him with accomplishes of things I have done.
I find my self seeking the things that used to bring me pleasure, then feeling just empty.
So as I am being purged of things that hinder me form love.
I run around in the hamster wheel till I am dizzy fall out and am in the arms of my beloved, Exhausted, cut up, bruised and
beaten cause I was after the false lover who only seeks to destroy me.
My prayer…
God let me seek you in time of need, want, Joy, love and comfort…Help me fill the ache in my heart with You.
Break the chains that hinder me from Love.
Let me hunger and thirst for You and only You. Give me ears to hear Your call. Give me Joy that is Your strength.
Show me what its truly means to be lovesick bride.
God help me pray to You as a friend, lover. Grace, give me grace to be humble, weak, poor in spirit for you alone.
Christ name Jesus
Amen

I love this rendition of this song cause it has Heidi Baker in it. Her laugh is so contagious.

Song makes me cry every time…

“There’s a harp in my heart,
and only you can play it
There’s a song in my broken soul,
and only you can sing it
You’re so unpredictable, God,
just like the rhythm, the rhythm of weeping
And my life is so upside down
But you keep on coming, coming around
You keep on loving, I still let you down

“I knew what I was getting into when I called you” From Misty Edwards song “I Knew What I Was Getting Into” Album Joy -Live

Still seems like a phrase that is hard to swallow…I have in the last past few months fell in a dark night of faith…It didn’t matter what people would say, I hated everything: work, God and me. Yup!! I said it out loud peeps I was pissed at God again… Its really only cause I still think God is shocked about who I am. As if He doesn’t know who I am.

My favorite Quote was “I QUIT” apparentlly you can’t quit life…I asked my boss “HA…NO’ was her response.

Bitterness is a new companion the last few months, about where I think I should be in life.

Ok! The truth is I have a fear of rejection in the area of intimacy. If I get intimate with God He will pull away…Its jacked up I know. But its how I feel. I keep feeling that if God sees me intimate with Him, He will reject My intimacy. So I poured my self hard in my work. Then when I wasn’t getting what I wanted in my work I felt rejected, so I shut down in that area as well. Thinking whats the point of pouring my self out in what I do if I get rejected. It seemed to be in every area in my life; friends, parents, sister and leadership.

As everything I feel around me is being taken away, friends leaving, friends death, cats death and sets in the prayer room being removed from my schedule, I am left with a void only God can fill…God loves this place where you are dry in a corner with no where to turn but to Him. I’m in a dessert looking at the oasis but staying where I am. Some how when I wasn’t looking the oasis got closer. God is sneaky waiting ever so passionately for me to give in a little before coming in.

I am learning God will not reject my intimacy with Him…

“And I am not shocked by your weakness.
And I am not shocked even by your sin.
And I am not shocked by your brokenness.” Misty Edwards” I Knew What I Was Getting Into” Album Joy-Live

In fact He is waiting to have every ounce of intimacy I have to be poured unto Him now matter how little it is…It brings Him great delight…A delight I want to know so much more… in fact in a Intimate way…

I found a video of the prayer room of Misty Edwards singing this Oracle…..It spells out everything I have been feeling this last few months…

I will say though, I would rather be in my walk with God going through the ups and downs then not having God going through the ups and downs. I don’t know how I would have gone through some of the seasons in my life with out Him.

Now I miss him dearly. Why Iowa?  A friend of mine parents have a farm and means space to have cats. Mine loves to catch mice and hunt so he will be paying his way while living there the first week we got him he caught a mouse while i was awake in the other room I was so proud). They are only keeping him till I find a place to live that is cat friendly. I able to call the dad whenever and get up dates on how Pimpernel is doing.

How do I go from not even wanting the cat to now missing him dearly, well Pimpernel was not like any other cat I have ever meet. He is a Love bug, even if he didn’t like to snuggle but he wasn’t a fighter. Mellow, calm, talker, greater, and well he claimed me has his favorite. Pimpernel was the type of cat that would allow me to pet his hair the wrong way, tease him, cuddle him and well flat out let him wash him in water and never claw, bit, and run away. He would run and greet me at the door and let me run my hand on his belly (and we know that cats aren’t belly rubbing lovers) Pimpernel was. Plus he doesn’t like dogs which I do not like dogs as much either.

Here is Pimpernel sleeping next to me while I am reading in bed

He heard something fall when I was taking the pic here

One of the updates is there is a prissy female cat who is picking on my little love bug, so Pimpernel runs and hides in the the barn prayer room that the family has on the farm and stays there. The Dad said he has decided to put the cat box in there since pimpernel likes it so much in there. Just like me Pimpernel is hanging in the prayer room. I find it awesome.

Pimpernel managed to get a place in my heart and now I miss him dearly I want my new place to be cat friendly.

Do you have a cat or animal that you miss or are loving dearly right now….

“Frustration is the first step towards improvement. I have no incentive to improve if I’m content with what I can do and if I’m completely satisfied with my pace, distance and form as a runner. It’s only when I face frustration and use it to fuel my dedication that I feel myself moving forwards.”

John Bingham

As I come into my second year of being a Media Missionary, in which I have spent the last 4 months trying to move on to the new thing. Thinking I am done with what God has for me here in KC. I have probably made my boss a little stressed, worried, and possibly GRR at me, cause I seem to have the fun of teasing her that I will go to Australia.( Along with placing her on the big screen so the world can see her.)

All to say I have been in avoidance of my heart issues with God. My fig leaf at the moment is staying in the timed schedule, hiding behind work and television. I have come close more then once in quitting. I have also avoided writing in my journal, reading my bible and praying is a bare minimal.

YUP!!! folks I have been avoiding God…”don’t get your pitch forks just yet” Cause we all do it, enjoy the dessert over the well spring of wine.

The awakening that as been going on for a few months, has been more work then enjoying the refreshing that God has been pouring out to His bride. I hide behind the camera in my director chair wanting God to move in someones life anywhere around the world but mine. I have become a spectator, something Wes Hall (the steward of the awakening) has said not to be.

I am scared to trust God….I’ll say it again “I am scared to trust God”….. Well maybe its a cop-out to say that. If I didn’t trust God I wouldn’t have come out to KC with just a suit case full of cloths and no where to live for 4days…So what is my issue… I allow the enemy to plant lies in my head that I am not worthy or I am going back wards cause I haven’t done anything perfect to get Gods love. Lies LIES lieS…..grr….which then make me feel shame and condemnation…(play violin for poor sara sound track insert here). I have then begone to have emotional out busts and want to say bad words and just hate everything.

While all this is going on God has still been there with me, showing up in ways of people with words of encouragement and good old suck it up Love…Also when not focusing on what I have not done but what I am and still doing has shown me that even though In my imperfect yes to God to stay and continue to do what it is I am doing. I have been moving forward with Him and making it to the finish line.

God is showing me that He is equipping me to be in the race for the long-hall, to do what ever He calls me to do for how ever long, but also do be in a relationship journey with Him with endurance. I have always loved being a sprint runner when doing anything cause its done sooner then later. God has also shown me to go back to the heart of worship. which reminds me that its a great weapon against the attacks of the enemy look to God and seek His face with thanksgiving and praise…Woop! Woop!…God is with me no matter how perfectly I do things. whether I am I first in the race or last He just wants to see me through the end, being my leader and coach. God is good at  helping you out. Gods love is endless for His beloved, seeing her being prepared for His return on earth is a delight for Him. Hearing me say yes’s even when I feel I can’t do it or making the choose to sit with Him and chat rather then watch the next episode of the week.

I am tired of feeling unworthy and want more of Gods presence in my life. Running a race with out water is SUCKY!!! Filling myself up with the things of this world to try to fill the void and then run with it. Is a reminder to me that God can only fill my tank with what I need to run the race with endurance. Making the step by step, day to day, yes by yes, choice by choice to walk it out with Gods living water is better then being dehydrated and not finishing the race of life at all. I rebuke you satan and your lies and nasty water….I choose God………….

So any who, that is my thought for the day and it all started with the video below….

On November 11, during a 9:00am class of first-year students, led by Allen Hood and Wes Hall at International House of Prayer University (IHOPU), the Spirit moved in their midst with physical healings, deliverance, and a spirit of joy. That class, on November 11, continued for more than 15 hours. The word spread quickly, and over 2,000 people spontaneously gathered in the auditorium from all over the Kansas City area, as deliverance and physical healings increased. The meeting continued well past midnight. Recognizing that the Spirit was moving, the leadership of IHOPU canceled all classes for the next few days so that we could gather to receive all that the Spirit wanted to do.

We recognize that the Holy Spirit is awakening our students and many others. In each of these meetings, many people are being set free from addictions, shame, depression, demonic activity, and every sort of emotional pain. We are also witnessing an increase of physical healings, as God is touching and restoring bodies inside the building, as well as healing people watching via the webstream. Moreover, we greatly rejoice as we are seeing lost souls being added to the kingdom of God during these meetings. We are receiving many testimonies and reports that this move of the Spirit is spreading to other churches and prayer rooms that are joining with us each night via the webstream.

It all began on November 4, on the last day of the monthly Global Bridegroom Fast at the International House of Prayer of Kansas City (IHOP–KC). A move of the Holy Spirit began to stir during the student chapel at IHOPU, as students testified about receiving deliverance from self-hatred, shame, and depression. Students began to experience supernatural joy at the revelation of God’s love for them. A powerful spirit of joy rested on many the next day at the IHOPU student-led 6:00am prayer meeting, and the Spirit continued to move throughout the week in our classes and during the faculty meetings.

What started during our IHOPU student chapel on November 4 is continuing today. Visitors are pouring in from many places, with some driving over 1,000 miles overnight to participate in these meetings. Consequently, on November 12, we moved the Prayer Room to our Forerunner School of Ministry sanctuary from 6:00pm to midnight each night, to accommodate more people. We will continue to hold nightly meetings through 2010 for as long as the Lord leads. We earnestly pray that this awakening will continue, as our nation is in desperate need of another great awakening in this hour.

Throughout history, college and university campuses in our nation have been an epicenter and a catalyst for spiritual awakening. Since the 1700s, our nation has witnessed multiple moves of the Holy Spirit that have touched and awakened students on college campuses, including Princeton University, Yale University, Asbury College, Wheaton College, and more than a dozen other college campuses. These spiritual awakenings often progressed beyond the campuses and resulted in a great number of souls being added to the kingdom of God. History also attests to a strong correlation between spiritual awakening and missionary movements. We pray that this spiritual awakening that is touching IHOPU and the rest of our IHOP–KC Missions Base will break out all over our nation in different cities.

What brings me  to blog now is a News article I read this week that makes me cringe on where we are going as a society to save animals.

I have nothing agents animals and all that the PETA people do or Treehugger people do for that matter to save animals.  It’s when scientists say dolphins should be granted HUMAN STATUS. That my friend is where I draw the line. In Spain the Spanish Parliament have already granted “human right’s to the great apes”.

Here below is the link to the article…

http://www.treehugger.com/files/2010/01/scientists-say-dolphins-should-be-granted-human-status.php

Why? is it that this little article getting me all upset. I’ll tell you why cause HUMAN BABIES IN THE WOMB are not even given the same inalienable rights that we humans give ourselves.

Hello does this not ring any bells of how wrong it would be to give an animal of a different species any equal rights as humans when we don’t have LAWS that protect our own babies…um yea just plan stupid to me…

Even I who watched the movie “The Cove” (a documentary on the killing of dolphins in Japan) still think we should spend more time an effort to save the voiceless babies in the womb…

So dolphins are intelligent, warm blooded, and fun. But human babies are our own species a LIFE no matter how small.

Right now in Houston, TX Planned Parenthood is building the 2nd largest abortion facility in the world. It will be located right in the center of 4 minority neighborhoods – one Black American and the other 3 Hispanic. Now is the time for the minority voice to lead the nation in justice once again.

Also I have here below a a trailer for a movie called “Blood Money”

I am just putting in my two cents, but I will stand for human life and the rights of those unborn and voiceless HUMANS…..

As I look back over the last year and half of my life, I can only see the awesome things that God has done in my life. Getting me out to KC with little money and no where to stay for 4 days, providing rent, food and even good friends. Coming in to a new state and way of life, God has shown me time and time again His love for me. How much He is the provider, leader and best friend. I have seen no matter what I do on my end whether its what I say do or don’t do, it will not change the way He sees me.

He has managed to change my heart towards Him and His people. He has broken down walls to my heart and vows that I have made in the past. He has gotten me through times of dis-pare and even shown me joy beyond words. The fact that He pours out mercy and opens up His heart, is something to ogle. What I am even more amazed about is the fact that He has changed my heart towards myself. I grow more in confidence in how God has truly created me, as well as knowing that He choose me even knowing I was going to do the things I did and will do.

As I spent the summer in a trailer directing to the world a cry of prayer from Gods people, I continue to battle my flesh in what I seek in pleasure from the world. I continue to have to trust Gods leadership in who He places around me and even to lead me as I take on core leading new FMI students (Forerunner Media Institute).  Yup! I now core lead a group a young and even older then me women. I see the burden in shaping and molding these women to seek God in holiness and purity I now have no time for my own rebellions. Thank God He is a better leader then I am follower. I just hope I don’t mess up, but I see I am being really blessed doing this. Why? You ask, nice of you to ask. Because I am relying on God more and more, having to seek Him for answers that I just don’t have for myself or the girls.

As I seek God deeper I see I need Him in everything I do as well as He can only fill voids in my life as well a longings. Whether greatness, fascination, beauty, to be wholehearted, to be enjoyed by God, intimacy with out shame and to make a lasting impact. Which could say are the 7 longings of the heart. God placed them there so we can have Him fill them and be expressive in those things with all the perversion.

So I walk this walk looking for my heart to be pour and my mind to be filled with the thoughts of my Beloved. I hope to be able to be a good steward of the girls God has placed under my wing. As well as be one to be in rejoice and praise to my God who loves me more then I can fathom.

How long is a season to God…? I tend to feel it’s when you finish a semester in school or at least every 4-5 months. Or the sense of accomplishment of learning something new in your walk with God.

As You know if you fall this blog I am a Media Apprentice at the International House of  Prayer KC. It’s now coming to an end of my second track, which has made it a year in the training of media. I will continue on as a staff member under operational staff. I will continue to specialize in directing which as been an awesome experience in which I feel I have grown so much in being confidant and creative in the field. My producer says  “she can tell when I direct cause I have signature that says it was me.” So I feel that because I see my self the way God sees me, I am able to express my creative side in my directing.

I am excited for the growth of our media dept, it is expanding into a school (Forerunner Media Institute) where now people will pay to learn what I did. I am thankful to God that He took care of me that way. Students will be in the life of a student going to bible school but they will be also trained in media as well.

My team is doing well. We did a 21day silent fast in the trailer, meaning that if it was not edifying, exulting and comforting to the body, don’t say it. As well as conversation that will distract us from our work or that will lead us into just unhealthy conversation. It was amazing to see God meet us in the trailer because we were more engaged with the worship and intersession. We made room for God in the trailer to come and work with us then to just make it some job where we act like we are not on holy ground.

During this 21day I was struck for a heart for media in the sense that I wanted to start a prayer meeting once a week where the media peep’s could come together for an hour and pray for GODTV and Media Dept IHOP…It’s been one of those things that I have choose to lead and well that means I have been e-mailing reminders and setting a time that most of the MA’s are free. I have also fasted during the 21 days media. That meant blogging as well. I think this helped me be in the word as well as do my e-school and even not be distracted with what God was doing with my team.

As this track comes to an end I look forward to seeing what God will do with us here in the KC area as we broadcast the prayer room all over the world. Where will He place the last MA’s this season, who are the new people coming for the school. Stay tuned….I hope to better in staying in touch with you about my life in the trailer….